Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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