I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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