I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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