You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
