Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
