WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
