Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
