Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
