Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
