my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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