I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
