U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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