I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need a burrito and a hug.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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