I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
