Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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