Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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