but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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