I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
