I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
