You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I need moral support for this bender
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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