I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
do nipples grow back?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
