everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
they need to just BURY HIM!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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