This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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