Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
