Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
