i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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