I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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