soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize