I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
