i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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