I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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