remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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