its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
