Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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