I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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