1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
