OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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