So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
