So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
