We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
