he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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