when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
