i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
