hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize