there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
