Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
the raccoons are back...
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