I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
