Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
