Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
