Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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