They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
