would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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