I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
