I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
