Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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