the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
