I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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