It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
