i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You don't make any sense
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