I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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