does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
