and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
