trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
