I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
