if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you didnt know i had herpes?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
