He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
