Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
