Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
