Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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