Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
