I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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