Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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