i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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