Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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