@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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