It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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