It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
