I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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