Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
