i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
