My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
