so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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