Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
