There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
