i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
