There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
